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7/14/10

My Heart Is Tired(Rant) & Aidan's Hope

My heart is so tired. I've liked you since 6th grade- and I know you won't like me back. Ever.
I talk to you, tease you, think about you... all the time.

You are such a jerk to me and to my friends but something keeps drawing me back.
I don't want to like you... but unfortunatley, it's not an option.
Sometimes I just want to erase all memory of you, but that would stink because you are so cute and funny and I really like you. If I could choose not to like you... well I really don't know if I would.
It was just a crush that you might not even know about, but sometimes I cry about it. Just during the night I think about you and tears run down my cheeks and turn in to salt by my mouth.
You suck. So much.


(By the way the story I'm about to tell you is irrelevant to the one above. I just kind of wanted to get that out.)


This story is about Aidan, and Aidan's mom. Aidan's mom came to talk to us one day at morning assembly. We don't have a very big school- it is Preschool through 8th grade, but the largest grade probably has only a little over 50 kids. My grade only has a little over 30. So every morning, we all come into the gym/auditorium. Student council (that includes me) stands on the stage and passes aa microphone down a line. We lead the prayers, say the announcments, announce peoples birthdays, say the sports scores from the previous night, etc. Two groups of little kids come up- one sings "My Country 'Tis of The" and the other sings "Happy Birthday". It is a nice gathering of the whole school praying and I like it. My job then was to announce who's birthday it was (My position on student council was spirit commisioner, but now I am Vice President from the recent election.) Anyways, back to the story.

So Aidan's mom, I unfourtunaley forget her name, spoke to us about how her son Aidan had died. He had either died of disease, or it was unsterile hospital products, I think it was both. I again regret I don't remember all the details. She shared pictures of Aidan and told us a story about how Aidan asked what happens when you go to Heaven. His mother responded, "Sweetie, you become an angel." Aidan then said, "Angels are kind of girly. I want to be in a Spiderman costume when I go to Heaven." His mother had reasured him that he wouldn't have to worry about that for a long time. Sadly, she was wrong. Aidan past away when he was 5 years old, I believe. As I stood on the stage I realized I was sniffling back tears. How could this woman go on knowing that her son is gone? It seemed so sad. So when assembly was over, I walked with my friend Kathryn, as usual, since she was in student council too. I looked around, trying to find Aidan's mom. I spotted her talking to some of the elementry school teachers. I told Kathryn I would be right back. She asked me where I was going, and I told her I was just going to talk to Aidan's mom. I walked over and waited awkwardly until she was done talking with the teachers. I swallowed my nervousness and approached her. She was very pretty and thin for a mom, with beautiful blonde hair. I told her, "Thank you for talking." I then paused and added, "You're one of the bravest women I've ever met." I started sobbing during that sentence, and she hugged me. She too was crying. "You're one of the bravest kids I've ever met." She responded. "Not a lot of kids are willing to come up and make me cry." She looked at me with tear filled eyes and I suddenly felt really good about doig that. I went back and Kathryn wanted to know what I said to her. "Nothing." I said with a sniff. "I just... talked to her."
But she is one of the bravest women I know. And sometimes, when I'm trying to fall asleep, I think of little Aidan and his poor mom. And how anyone could go through the torture of losing their little child. And I just sob. It's so sad. And I pray for Aidan. And ask after reading this story, you do too. I hope he is in Heaven, wearing his Spiderman costume and impressing all the Angels. The thought makes me smile.
x's&o's,
Rach
(P.S. On a happier note, I'm almost done typing A Star From the Sea, first chapter! Don't think it's soo long because it takes me a long time to type it. Nope. I just haven't got the time.)

15 xo's:

Anonymous said...

That's so beautiful, about Aidan. His mother is so brave. About the boy you like, I know the feeling. It really sucks. I've liked the same guy since 3rd grade (I'm going into 8th)... he dated one of my friends two years ago, and he currently likes my best friend. I've wasted so many tears over him, but I can't get over him. What's worse is that he's my best guy friend and one of my overall best friends. :[

Anonymous said...

That's so beautiful, about Aidan. His mother is so brave. About the boy you like, I know the feeling. It really sucks. I've liked the same guy since 3rd grade (I'm going into 8th)... he dated one of my friends two years ago, and he currently likes my best friend. I've wasted so many tears over him, but I can't get over him. What's worse is that he's my best guy friend and one of my overall best friends. :[

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